When Life was Sesame Street

I was thinking the other day about love, compassionate love and the state of the world. I was thinking about our politics, our business, our government and our society. It seems so involved, deluded, convoluted and manufactured with an agenda. I think that is what bothers me most, the agenda. When you know that the way you want it doesn’t serve everyone and selfishly subvert it to your own gain. I think that describes the actions of those three groups I just mentioned, don’t you? I remember a different time, as all generations do; we all have our “good ol’ days”. Mine were Sesame Street and it was beautiful.

To me the world was made up of people who were loving and tolerant. There were people from different races coexisting, different religions, folks who were hearing impaired and visitors with all sorts of challenges and triumphs. It was a beautiful world to live in and I remember it well.

What happened? We grew up, but more specifically we became jaded. We became aware of ourselves and our focus shifted from the outside world to the inner world of our fears and delusions. We became obsessed with not being exposed, no one can see the real me. We heaped on layers of personae of the characters we so desperately wished to be. We grew and popularized them in their stereotypes and placed them, like the marionettes they are, against each other to run out the endless scenarios of our interactions through our stories in books and movies, in our art, in our poems in our culture. We understood what evil is only when we gave ourselves the example first. When some exaggeration of a thing which we knew existed within us pinged us for the first time. When the outside world reflected the ways in which we let ourselves down, when we could see our own bad possibilities in the actions of others we began to build out walls. Brick by self deluded brick we build the walls of “they’re worse than me” to excuse our failings to ourselves. That first selfish deed where the fabric of us was torn into two; when we knew what was right but decided to do what we wanted, to get what we desired; in that moment we sold out our Sesame Street.

Is it lost forever? Must it be exiled to nostalgia? I don’t believe so. I believe we can retrace our steps and stand against that slithery part of ourselves which made the weak or selfish choices. We can go back in our minds and realign with right. We can learn those lessons of sharing, compassion, tolerance, of love and of the ways of life. We can live honestly, wholly authentic in our body, speech and mind. We can participate, and become personally invested and active in every moment of our lives. We can kill the autopilot. We can be mindful. We can be gentle. We can recognize that subversive part of ourselves; that part which clings to things and work against it. We can meditate until we realize that while it is who we are and needs to be accepted and loved it is also not who we are. By that I mean if you were to erase time and space and remove everyone who isn’t supposed to see the real you, only then would the real you be left exposed. That is who you are and if you don’t like it, do something about it. Understand your Dzogchen; understand you’re Dzogchen.

There is a Native American story “An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."”

Those are not solid physical parts of your body are they? They are energies and I believe it is true, the one you feed wins or as the Buddha said "The thought manifests as the word; the word manifests as the deed; the deed develops into habit; and habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings."

From Sesame Street to Wall Street we don’t have to change, we give in to the fear that others are and they will somehow have an advantage. It’s weakness on our parts that we aren’t strong enough to live our morals, our ideals actually, literally. When I say we, I mean each individual should regardless of those around them. I certainly don’t mean to be saying that we should wait for all of us to, because we already know that drill. It’s in practice as we speak. No, I mean that each one of us should take a deep trip within, figure out who we are and bring that genuine person back into the world. We should be open to express ourselves and open to the expressions of others. If you don’t agree with it, walk away.

Above all we should understand this: We should never be abusive in pointing out the abuse of others.

I believe in a world where we can be gentle to each other without limiting passion. I believe in a world where we can have tolerance and still make the strides which come from deep belief. I believe we can all get along and love each other unconditionally. I believe we could live in Sesame Street if only we were committed to it rather than chasing profit.

I was proud of my spirit...

                       

A few years ago I was with some friends and we were watching the first season of “True Blood” on tv. We had watched a couple episodes and I was worried it was going to be a weak platform and an excuse for special effects and sex.  I was happy when the story line started to unfold. The night I’m talking about was when we watched a character whose sexuality was never concretely determined in a scene which would define, for me, his character (both the actor’s own, and his characters). We all watched as he went to a vampire’s house to collect some of his blood. If you haven’t seen the show, vampire blood was sold like a drug to humans. At any rate, we watched as the vampire (played brilliantly by Stephen Root) revealed, through his advances, that he was gay. It was an interesting scene, with so much going on. At once this person (played by Nelsan Ellis) was interacting with this gentlemen trying to smooth him over, get what he wanted. It was a bit uncomfortable to watch. Not because there was tangible sexual tension between them, but because of the obvious manipulation and insincerity. Then there came a moment, when the Vampire reached out lovingly to the man and his guard dropped. It became about the moment and no longer about the exchange and the money he would get. It cumulated in a very tender kiss.

I thought it was a beautiful moment, a great scene, and touching in it’s honesty.

I sat there for a moment, as we all did. I was about to say something about it being lovely and tender but there was some reaction in our group, surprisingly from the women there, of discomfort in two men kissing. We passed it off and moved on as the show often does, and quickly. I thought a bout that kiss for a long time. I was proud of my spirit, genuinely. I feel the truest “you” is told in your authentic reactions to situations. My authentic reaction was to behold and enjoy a touching moment between two people. I saw the parallels to so many relationships in which I know the people personally. I saw the dynamics of just how difficult it is to let your guard down. I saw the “v-juice” as a metaphor for everything we go into a relationship wanting for ourselves. I saw the other side of it, and witnessed it become what this man would give away for affection. I had a moment, a ping of sadness, before I remembered that triumphant moment when they reached out and connected. It was beautiful. It was still a television show, but they say art imitates life, and I agree.

Do you know how rare that is? How hard it is to honestly connect with another person? How often it’s exactly what they showed only the metaphor of “v-juice” being what we’re after, and what we’re willing to give…. For love, for acceptance?

Life is long and it’s full of suffering. Like rocks with waves crashing against them, wearing them down, we are. Do not overlook, or pass by, an opportunity to reveal your soul to another and love them. I’m not talking about sex, exactly, because love making doesn’t always involve intercourse. I’m talking a bout the opportunity to drop your agenda, your fears, your insecurity and really open yourself to another person and love them, and be loved yourself.

I read a quote the other day, which after having written all this seems to be the seed from which this memory was born again.

“The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry - from lifetime to lifetime.” The first part is quoted from Alex Collier, after the hyphen is from the quote as I first saw it, so I included it. Regardless of the source, I think it’s a deep truism and something we should all understand and comprehend.

If your guilty mind tells you it’s wrong, if your conditioning tells you it’s a sin, if society causes you to squirm because you’ve heard a million times it’s disgusting…. please for the sake of us all, of the direction humanity is taking, look at it with your own unfiltered heart and mind and see for yourself; outside of any context where outside influences will, well, influence, look at it and see for yourself.

I’m just one person, speaking for only myself when I say that was one of the best, most convincing and easily the most touching and tender kisses I’ve ever seen on screen and I’m proud of my spirit for accepting it lovingly.

Namaste

Don't Act; BE

"Never try to ACT like someone you're not, because it's acting and that is just a shortcut to being... so in the end you'll just be faking a new person but taking the same shortcuts you are now. Don't act; be."

All of us want to improve who we are; our media, from screen to print, tells us so. So how do you go about change or improvement and make it real? You have to ask yourself "How far am I willing to go? How much do I want this change?" and the key question you have to ask yourself "How honest am I prepared to be with myself?". Otherwise you're just going through the motions again, and aren't you sick of fading change?

Have you ever heard the phrase "Fake it until you make it"? I can't think of a more destructive path to self-improvement. All of us are aware of our inner-most place, the place our consciousness seats. It's the place you talk to yourself non-verbally. It's your inner space. I call it the cave. It's the place, I believe, we understood first as children. The day we understood "I am" as coming from within not what your parent was pointing at from the outside. Later on, it will become the place we can think and not even God can hear us. It's a refuge we create from the world. It's the place we where we know we're just faking it and even if we get really good at it, we will know we're still only faking it. It's the carrot called "make it". Faking it will never bring us happiness, true happiness, which won't fade.

So there you are, sitting inside yourself, lost and wondering what to do next. Life isn't working and every change you've made backfires or does nothing to help at all.  It's time to get real with yourself. The phrase "I won't do this ever again, and this time I mean it" wouldn't be pop-culture if it wasn't true on some level. How many times have you said it? I don't have enough fingers on my hands for how many times I have said it.  Ever notice that when you say that you're in a different place inside yourself than you are right now? It's like you're some slick car salesman pulling the wool over your own eyes. So, how seriously are you going to take this? You have to silence the salesman; you have to know better, and do better. You have to consciously turn away from the easy road and start the real work. You know, that truth you've been doing all you can to get away from? It's now time to hoist that on your back and take care of it.

The very first thing you have to do is some housecleaning of the cave. You, like all of us, have skeletons to clear out. You may be thinking that you already have cleared those out, and so only you know if that is the truth. So we come to: Just how honest are you willing to be with yourself? To me, there is only one level of honest; absolute. So the way I look at it, you're not throwing those skeletons out, instead you're facing them down and accepting them. You have to be able to both stand against the deed and love the doer unconditionally. That is you have to be against what you did, fundamentally and completely against it, while still having understanding and compassion for the you which did it. You have to be able to love yourself, after all; you're stuck with you for your entire life.

What is left when you’ve cleared everything out? After you're done fighting your demons and wound up loving yourself more for the process, what is left? It feels so, empty. The first urge is to define who you are by everything around you. Your likes, and your hates. "I am a pacifist!" "I am a father." "I am a professor" and so on. Or, "I'm against violence" "I'm for the sanctity of marriage" "I believe in Socialism". Stop, stop, stop! None of that matters anyway. They're not definitions, they are what you make your decisions by. They are your values, not you. Now that you've cleared everything out, what you're left with is you. Not the fake puppet you that you've spent your whole life crafting into a super cool adult, but the real and actual you.

So, who are you? Do you even know? Can you tell me without leaving the perspective of your cave? Can you tell me without looking out and echo-locating or looking in an judging? Can you simply be and know who you are? It's an intangible thing isn't it? You are in a constant state of flux, ever changing and growing, ever the student. Be-ing is now, act-ing is a plot for future being which projects the mind to an imaginary state in the future and excuses any behavior of how you got there; it's a short cut. That is faking it until you make it, but you never do. "Make it", that is. You'll always know that you're lying to yourself and what ever you were trying to be; you'll always know it is a sham. You need to find the center of yourself which doesn't change while you're constantly changing. I've often thought of it as the overall intention of your life. It's what all those "I am" and other definitions compiled and averaged out are. So you end up being the intention of all of your choices, like some giant flow chart leading to one person that you cannot be and witness at the same time. There can be only one! You either are or you're examining yourself. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you recognize that that is you and what you're witnessing is really only your memory of  what you were.

You've discovered the secret. That change comes only from making the choice to be that good person, every choice, every day with conscious purpose. Then faking it to making it becomes a delicate dance of imperfection. It becomes accepting yourself as you fail while not accepting failure. It's strict self compassion. It's life, one day at a time. It is nothing more than simply being the change, and it turns out Gandhi was really on to something so deep we may never hope to fully understand it. You exist, so go and be who you are and you'll find that happiness & love were all around you all the while and it was really you who were getting in your way and selling you a load of bunk. You'll find that change is hard work and it resides in our minute to minute choices which add up to be who we are. Go and BE!