I had an incredible experience last night, a blending of myself with the universe with the thought of peace and happiness for all. I tried to conceptualize what a complete removal of my "self" as a filter between who I am and the Universe. I tried to remove my attachments to this body, to this mind, to this world, to the set of rules (such as gravity) that we all agree to which from inherent limitations to what I can accept. There is a fundamental difference between what we believe and what we want to believe. What we want to believe we can't fully accept as existing in this reality, or it would already be what we believe. What we believe (or know in our hearts) doesn't need proof of existence, it simply is. In the stripping away of everything I "know" to be me I was hoping to remove any filters, any ego and find a true oneness with the universe. The exact manner isn't important, it was my experience, it was what I remembered afterward, so it is already an interpretation and not the actual path.
As I was trying to remove my being from the communication with the universe I thought of the world and how I've been so sad at the callousness and cruelty within and to our fellow beings. I was wishing for peace and happiness for all. I wanted to bring that to the world. I realized that I cannot because I can't remove my own self serving ego (even on the most infinitesimal level) from trying to direct that concept, or the energy of that concept into this reality. It would have to travel through a "me" and I would filter and corrupt it. Trying to act as a conduit to the universe for bringing the energy of happiness, universal and total happiness into this reality is impossible because the entrance would exist in this reality and would be hindered by the delusion, or more appropriately, by the acceptance of limitations which are the founding rules of this reality.
As I struggled with how to bring this peace, love, compassion, freedom... happiness to the world I understood my own failings. My definition of what that means applies only to me. All sentient beings cannot live in my ideal of happiness. They have to find their own. There is no way to deliver that to the people.... not in writing it down because we will interpret it to our own means even if only on a subconscious level; though history shows us through the foundations of religions that it is on a grand scale. We can't speak it for similar reasons: happiness is universal and our ears are only in this reality, hearing within the context of what we deem possible and placing limitations upon it by the assumed restrictions which go with this reality we all exist in right now.
I was frustrated because we all deserve and need peace and happiness. I cannot bring this peace because of the very nature of me. The words peace, love, harmony, happiness, compassion; even as you read them you interpret them into your own context. We understand the word as it relates to us, or rather, I understand those words as they relate to that which is understanding it, me. Even if I can strip away my prejudices though focused meditation or symbolic ritual the words still exists only within my conscious mind which is the last stand of the ego. My almighty brain, my wondrous tool, through which I experience the world is incapable of existing without prejudices. It has a beginning and an end, it is not permanent. I can only achieve what I think those words mean, and the action of the thinker filters the energy represented by the word into the context which I understand. I cannot understand it because I will try to shape it from it's original form. A person cannot give it because it exists within everyone already. Each person has to see it there for themselves.
I felt a bit defeated. I wanted so much for the answer I set out long long ago to find. When I was young I was sick and lived with my mom and my sister. They would fight constantly. Not ugly screaming, cursing fights, just conflicts. They didn't agree on anything. I wanted to find the peace between them, I wanted to make them both happy. Unfortunately what made my sister happy made my mom sad or angry and what made my mom happy made my sister angry or frustrated. I understood that one happiness for them both didn't exist. I guess I had been looking for that one happiness ever since. I realize that happiness didn't exist like a warm blanket that could cover all the world. It isn't an adding to, it's a taking away. You can't supply happiness, only remove the reasons for unhappiness. How can I do that?
I was told by the soft voice of the universe to "be humble", it's not for me to know, it's not my answer to share. I cannot hope to grasp what needs to be removed for all the world to be happy. I must realize I am but one small part of this whole. I must simply do my part, for me, without allowing my ego to plot or plan. Doing my part based on how it will be perceived by others isn't humble, it's ego. Doing my part based on what I will get in return isn't humble either, it's still ego. Defining what is my part based on the actions or inaction of others isn't humble either, it's pure ego. Doing my part is the performing the sacred ritual of existence in every moment without thought of manipulating it or others.
What is this sacred ritual I must perform? I was told by the guiding voice of the universe to "be a good person" when I pushed and wanted to help bring about that happiness. That is all I can do, be a good person. Being a good person doesn't mean being a better person that "so & so", it means privately, for yourself, with no fanfare. It doesn't mean being a good person for me, or for my values, it means being good. It means finding in each moment the universal source of peace, love, compassion, happiness and letting that fill me. It means being honest in the physical, verbal, mental and energetic planes. It means being wholly authentic consistently in the now. It means understanding that being patient isn't my idea of patience which brings with it gives and takes. I will be patient until they do what i want them to do, that is patience... no it isn't. Being patient always is. I will be kind to this person because they need it and will be filled with that love and will themselves become a better person.... that isn't kindness it is ego. I will be kind to everyone... universally. And so on... finding the universal meaning of being a good person.
Then I thought about how that could bring about some kind of peace and I was told by the wise voice of the universe that "what will be will be" that I am not to try to shape or direct that. I understood that understanding the universal meaning of being a good person was a private ritual, a private walk for myself. I am not to look to others to bring about change. That is ego and if I act or if I don't act, what will be will be. If I live, if I die, what will be will be. It is complete freedom. There is no attachment in that. What will be will be. Then my mind raced, as the universe left me and attempted to retain this enlightened perspective, this tranquil and peaceful mind and I thought: what of the ugliness of the world? and the universe answered be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What if I am abused? we answered: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What if I am to die tomorrow? be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What if I am to win the lottery? be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What about the lack of understanding? be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What about the serious condition of our country and it's political sodomy of the common man? and I answered: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What about the fact that all of society, all of the world is founded on a system of greed and perpetuated by that same greed? I understood: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. Happiness is mine to fill myself with: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. Freedom is to be humble, be a good person, what will be will be.
I am to be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What that means in every moment of every day is unchanging because it is not: Be a humble me, be a good me and what will be will be for me.
I will be universally humble, a good person, not good in relation to a thing, a person, a situation, and what will be will be for all.
That was my lesson from the universe.
As I was trying to remove my being from the communication with the universe I thought of the world and how I've been so sad at the callousness and cruelty within and to our fellow beings. I was wishing for peace and happiness for all. I wanted to bring that to the world. I realized that I cannot because I can't remove my own self serving ego (even on the most infinitesimal level) from trying to direct that concept, or the energy of that concept into this reality. It would have to travel through a "me" and I would filter and corrupt it. Trying to act as a conduit to the universe for bringing the energy of happiness, universal and total happiness into this reality is impossible because the entrance would exist in this reality and would be hindered by the delusion, or more appropriately, by the acceptance of limitations which are the founding rules of this reality.
As I struggled with how to bring this peace, love, compassion, freedom... happiness to the world I understood my own failings. My definition of what that means applies only to me. All sentient beings cannot live in my ideal of happiness. They have to find their own. There is no way to deliver that to the people.... not in writing it down because we will interpret it to our own means even if only on a subconscious level; though history shows us through the foundations of religions that it is on a grand scale. We can't speak it for similar reasons: happiness is universal and our ears are only in this reality, hearing within the context of what we deem possible and placing limitations upon it by the assumed restrictions which go with this reality we all exist in right now.
I was frustrated because we all deserve and need peace and happiness. I cannot bring this peace because of the very nature of me. The words peace, love, harmony, happiness, compassion; even as you read them you interpret them into your own context. We understand the word as it relates to us, or rather, I understand those words as they relate to that which is understanding it, me. Even if I can strip away my prejudices though focused meditation or symbolic ritual the words still exists only within my conscious mind which is the last stand of the ego. My almighty brain, my wondrous tool, through which I experience the world is incapable of existing without prejudices. It has a beginning and an end, it is not permanent. I can only achieve what I think those words mean, and the action of the thinker filters the energy represented by the word into the context which I understand. I cannot understand it because I will try to shape it from it's original form. A person cannot give it because it exists within everyone already. Each person has to see it there for themselves.
I felt a bit defeated. I wanted so much for the answer I set out long long ago to find. When I was young I was sick and lived with my mom and my sister. They would fight constantly. Not ugly screaming, cursing fights, just conflicts. They didn't agree on anything. I wanted to find the peace between them, I wanted to make them both happy. Unfortunately what made my sister happy made my mom sad or angry and what made my mom happy made my sister angry or frustrated. I understood that one happiness for them both didn't exist. I guess I had been looking for that one happiness ever since. I realize that happiness didn't exist like a warm blanket that could cover all the world. It isn't an adding to, it's a taking away. You can't supply happiness, only remove the reasons for unhappiness. How can I do that?
I was told by the soft voice of the universe to "be humble", it's not for me to know, it's not my answer to share. I cannot hope to grasp what needs to be removed for all the world to be happy. I must realize I am but one small part of this whole. I must simply do my part, for me, without allowing my ego to plot or plan. Doing my part based on how it will be perceived by others isn't humble, it's ego. Doing my part based on what I will get in return isn't humble either, it's still ego. Defining what is my part based on the actions or inaction of others isn't humble either, it's pure ego. Doing my part is the performing the sacred ritual of existence in every moment without thought of manipulating it or others.
What is this sacred ritual I must perform? I was told by the guiding voice of the universe to "be a good person" when I pushed and wanted to help bring about that happiness. That is all I can do, be a good person. Being a good person doesn't mean being a better person that "so & so", it means privately, for yourself, with no fanfare. It doesn't mean being a good person for me, or for my values, it means being good. It means finding in each moment the universal source of peace, love, compassion, happiness and letting that fill me. It means being honest in the physical, verbal, mental and energetic planes. It means being wholly authentic consistently in the now. It means understanding that being patient isn't my idea of patience which brings with it gives and takes. I will be patient until they do what i want them to do, that is patience... no it isn't. Being patient always is. I will be kind to this person because they need it and will be filled with that love and will themselves become a better person.... that isn't kindness it is ego. I will be kind to everyone... universally. And so on... finding the universal meaning of being a good person.
Then I thought about how that could bring about some kind of peace and I was told by the wise voice of the universe that "what will be will be" that I am not to try to shape or direct that. I understood that understanding the universal meaning of being a good person was a private ritual, a private walk for myself. I am not to look to others to bring about change. That is ego and if I act or if I don't act, what will be will be. If I live, if I die, what will be will be. It is complete freedom. There is no attachment in that. What will be will be. Then my mind raced, as the universe left me and attempted to retain this enlightened perspective, this tranquil and peaceful mind and I thought: what of the ugliness of the world? and the universe answered be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What if I am abused? we answered: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What if I am to die tomorrow? be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What if I am to win the lottery? be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What about the lack of understanding? be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What about the serious condition of our country and it's political sodomy of the common man? and I answered: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What about the fact that all of society, all of the world is founded on a system of greed and perpetuated by that same greed? I understood: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. Happiness is mine to fill myself with: be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. Freedom is to be humble, be a good person, what will be will be.
I am to be humble, be a good person, what will be will be. What that means in every moment of every day is unchanging because it is not: Be a humble me, be a good me and what will be will be for me.
I will be universally humble, a good person, not good in relation to a thing, a person, a situation, and what will be will be for all.
That was my lesson from the universe.
