I posted a status which inspired a lot of thoughts for me. I had to trim down my post by half so I decided to write it in a note.
We are all unique, with talents no one else has. We are, each of us, special but I see within us all the beautiful humanity. If we could only love ourselves through our failures, not condone them but love them as an integral part of our growth and humanity, then maybe we could be more patient, loving, forgiving and supportive of our fellow people who are going through their own lessons, through life and making mistakes just like we do.
We are not defined by a nanosecond of our existence, no vivisection of our lives can encapsulate our whole. Why do we always remember this about ourselves and curse the guy who cuts us off as the very embodiment of pure evil?
So why do we view others and judge them for the briefest interaction with us? Why is it I have to remove that part of myself, or circumvent it in order to be able to love my fellow man unconditionally? If I have to do that, am I truly loving unconditionally? No, I'm not. I'm loving in the way which we have chosen is acceptable. The way we have chosen is that if I completely sign off on you as a person, then I can love you. You have to meet all my criteria as a person and, most importantly, validate my being because I feel I somehow vouched for you. All of my own bologna is getting in the way of my appreciation of you as a being.
You have existed in this and many other lifetimes, as we all have. Your path through this reality is only the process of learning life's lessons in order to help others. The help we offer others isn't always up to us. Often it is a simple interaction which we pay no mind to that has some profound impact on the other person. It may be that you're courageous and inspire that person to stand up. It may be, as it was for me, that you inspire by being gentle. This person was a huge influence in my life and they have no recollection of the event. That is because they were simply being and interacting with another. I saw this and was inspired to gentleness. It was possible to be this way.
We also teach through our lessons. When we are distracted by life what shows though is the truest representation of our actual nature in this world. We haven't had time or attention to change it into something socially acceptable as we do with our conscious actions. They say actions speak louder than words. I am talking about those moments in life which completely engulf us and teach us lessons, not the challenges which come after to solidify the lessons. While going though our lessons we teach others who come into contact with us. We may be teaching how to gracefully learn life's lessons. We just may be teaching how not to act. In that moment we do not get to choose what kind of lessons we are teaching. We are in the middle of our lessons and usually completely unaware of the effect we are having on others.
How can we change, learn, grow and continue to be a positive presence in the world? I accept my life and that I am not in control of what others learn from me. Still, I would like to be only a positive force. I must remember that failure isn't negative, only my reaction to it can be negative. So, if I am honest with myself and completely own my failures, not for self pity or to garner sympathy, I can begin to chisel away at the negative effects of my lessons on both myself and others. The negativity brought forth through lessons isn't the lesson itself, rather it is the energetic repercussion of denial. If I lie to you and you catch me it hurts and changes our friendship. If you catch me and I completely recognize my fault and appreciate your hurt feelings we can still be friends. You understand that I make mistakes. If the same thing happens and instead of owning my truth I lie more, or hedge the blame, or in any other way try to escape responsibility two things happen. First the negative energy I have put out into the universe is absolutely coming back since I failed to own it. Secondly by looking away and lying I have created an alternate universe which only I can live in, and then how can we be friends. Only if you buy into my reality instead of the truth. I'm no kind of friend at all if I expect you to sacrifice the truth for my dishonesty. When it comes right down to it I want a real friend, who makes real mistakes and actually includes me in their life. I want the kind of friend who loves me through my mistakes.
In looking at all of this, trying to be a better person, a better friend, a better father and husband I had to ask, how can I the best person I can be? I started with "calling bullshit on myself". It is difficult to come together with someone during a conflict. The dynamics of the relationship are very adversarial. How can I make it more cooperative? After all this is my friend, we may be fighting, but they are my friend. I know for myself that when someone is bringing something to me they shouldn't be ignoring their part in it. I find it hard to bridge the gap and accept my faults when the person bringing it to light has faults they're not recognizing which lead to the overall conflict. So I own my own bologna first to myself then I own it to my friend before I bring my hurt feelings across. I accept that I may be wrong and that it is ok to be wrong. The only thing which isn't ok is knowing I'm wrong and moving forward anyway. Being wrong, honestly mistaken, is only human.
So now I have this lifelong problem of judging others for simple mistakes, exaggerating their transgressions into diabolical schemes against my very existence. I react poorly and hurt those around me through the many varieties of temper tantrums I throw. Then when I get my crap together and right the basket I just dropped I don't own it. I may own part of it and gloss over the rest. I actually believe no one else sees this but I have actually fragmented my relationships. This changes how I view myself and I begin the downward spiral of low self esteem which brings the side effects of sadness, loneliness, self loathing, insecurity and so forth. I want out so desperately. I want normal and I just want to be loved, but how?
My answer, and I claim no authority or expertise other than this has brought me happiness:
I am a sneaky bastard and know well how to lie to me
I have to know myself completely, dark and light to reach balance, and to live in reality.
Happiness never came from ignoring truth, or pretending I am other than I am.
I am the only source of my self-esteem and I hurt me 100 times more when I lie to me than when someone else lies to me. Trust is broken when a lie is told. If I don't trust me how can I love me?
What I see in another that causes me to judge is always something within myself I'm not facing. It doesn't always translate directly across, but it always starts there.
There is a vast difference between what I believe and what I want to believe. What I believe is shown in my natural reactions. What I want to believe is also shown that same way, only in it's absence.
I vow to be wholly authentic in all I do, especially when that means owning a mistake.
I believe we are all equal. It doesn't matter what sex, race, nationality, age, sexual orientation, etc, etc we are. We are nothing more than the life which inhabits our bodies from existence to existence. This makes my physical imperfections moot. This makes any difference you can draw attention to inconsequential. It means I can love you without attachment. It means I can love you without needing your life to validate or compliment mine.
I am not a punching bag nor a whipping boy. If your actions aren't right for me, I can tell you. If you love me and listen then we just strengthened our relationship. If you disagree we can talk, because you're my friend and I love you and I respect your opinion. If I feel that after I have tried honestly to get my feelings across without undue emotion and that you and I disagree I have to do what is right for me. I can end our friendship and still love you as a person. There are some paths I cannot walk down with you, nor you with me. It doesn't have to be done with hate or anger. As soon as you have begun to feel emotion you have ceased striving for the truth ~ Buddha.
Lastly, none of this is here for long and all that will remain in the fabric of the universe is the kind of person I was. It's not what I own, it's not what I said or the people I convinced to like me. It's not about my position or possessions. It was, is and will always be in every reincarnation, about choices. The illumination of what I believe, the dance of me, is shown through my choices. When I dig inwards and find me and fully appreciate the light and shadow which I am, I have the opportunity in that moment to stand still. I no longer have to chase acceptance for I accept me. I no longer have to wait for love because I love me. I can just be. No more conspiring for the future and damaging myself through lies to myself, or actions I knew were wrong all along. No more letting the past be the excuse for my procrastination. I exist only now and I will not ignore today to plot for tomorrow, nor to wallow in yesterday. I will live in truth and be love, starting with me, starting with loving and accepting the real me.
I have tried to make my journey as open a book as possible because I believe if we can make our mistakes human and understandable we, as a people, we be less likely to hide it. It's the hiding, the dishonesty and what that leads us to which hurts us, not the mistakes. If I share honestly what is inside then maybe you can relate and share, and then maybe we can all come together and realize that we are all messed up and we're all ok. It's not the fault or failure, it's the looking away.
If you have any questions or anything to say, don't hesitate. You're my friend and I love the expression of you.
Love and be loved in this moment and as many as you can. Understand yourself completely. Understand you in this moment. Understand you from the perspective of your entire life. What was the intent of your life? Understand yourself from the perspective of the universe. If everything was taken away, family, possession, the world, everything and you were left floating in non-existence would you love you? Could you spend eternity with only your own company. You know yourself more intimately than you may think. There is not enough time to be anything other than your true self. Know that you're not alone and know, above all else, that you're loved.
Namaste
"The thought manifests as the word; the word manifests as the deed; the deed develops into habit; and habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings." Buddha
We are all unique, with talents no one else has. We are, each of us, special but I see within us all the beautiful humanity. If we could only love ourselves through our failures, not condone them but love them as an integral part of our growth and humanity, then maybe we could be more patient, loving, forgiving and supportive of our fellow people who are going through their own lessons, through life and making mistakes just like we do.
We are not defined by a nanosecond of our existence, no vivisection of our lives can encapsulate our whole. Why do we always remember this about ourselves and curse the guy who cuts us off as the very embodiment of pure evil?
So why do we view others and judge them for the briefest interaction with us? Why is it I have to remove that part of myself, or circumvent it in order to be able to love my fellow man unconditionally? If I have to do that, am I truly loving unconditionally? No, I'm not. I'm loving in the way which we have chosen is acceptable. The way we have chosen is that if I completely sign off on you as a person, then I can love you. You have to meet all my criteria as a person and, most importantly, validate my being because I feel I somehow vouched for you. All of my own bologna is getting in the way of my appreciation of you as a being.
You have existed in this and many other lifetimes, as we all have. Your path through this reality is only the process of learning life's lessons in order to help others. The help we offer others isn't always up to us. Often it is a simple interaction which we pay no mind to that has some profound impact on the other person. It may be that you're courageous and inspire that person to stand up. It may be, as it was for me, that you inspire by being gentle. This person was a huge influence in my life and they have no recollection of the event. That is because they were simply being and interacting with another. I saw this and was inspired to gentleness. It was possible to be this way.
We also teach through our lessons. When we are distracted by life what shows though is the truest representation of our actual nature in this world. We haven't had time or attention to change it into something socially acceptable as we do with our conscious actions. They say actions speak louder than words. I am talking about those moments in life which completely engulf us and teach us lessons, not the challenges which come after to solidify the lessons. While going though our lessons we teach others who come into contact with us. We may be teaching how to gracefully learn life's lessons. We just may be teaching how not to act. In that moment we do not get to choose what kind of lessons we are teaching. We are in the middle of our lessons and usually completely unaware of the effect we are having on others.
How can we change, learn, grow and continue to be a positive presence in the world? I accept my life and that I am not in control of what others learn from me. Still, I would like to be only a positive force. I must remember that failure isn't negative, only my reaction to it can be negative. So, if I am honest with myself and completely own my failures, not for self pity or to garner sympathy, I can begin to chisel away at the negative effects of my lessons on both myself and others. The negativity brought forth through lessons isn't the lesson itself, rather it is the energetic repercussion of denial. If I lie to you and you catch me it hurts and changes our friendship. If you catch me and I completely recognize my fault and appreciate your hurt feelings we can still be friends. You understand that I make mistakes. If the same thing happens and instead of owning my truth I lie more, or hedge the blame, or in any other way try to escape responsibility two things happen. First the negative energy I have put out into the universe is absolutely coming back since I failed to own it. Secondly by looking away and lying I have created an alternate universe which only I can live in, and then how can we be friends. Only if you buy into my reality instead of the truth. I'm no kind of friend at all if I expect you to sacrifice the truth for my dishonesty. When it comes right down to it I want a real friend, who makes real mistakes and actually includes me in their life. I want the kind of friend who loves me through my mistakes.
In looking at all of this, trying to be a better person, a better friend, a better father and husband I had to ask, how can I the best person I can be? I started with "calling bullshit on myself". It is difficult to come together with someone during a conflict. The dynamics of the relationship are very adversarial. How can I make it more cooperative? After all this is my friend, we may be fighting, but they are my friend. I know for myself that when someone is bringing something to me they shouldn't be ignoring their part in it. I find it hard to bridge the gap and accept my faults when the person bringing it to light has faults they're not recognizing which lead to the overall conflict. So I own my own bologna first to myself then I own it to my friend before I bring my hurt feelings across. I accept that I may be wrong and that it is ok to be wrong. The only thing which isn't ok is knowing I'm wrong and moving forward anyway. Being wrong, honestly mistaken, is only human.
So now I have this lifelong problem of judging others for simple mistakes, exaggerating their transgressions into diabolical schemes against my very existence. I react poorly and hurt those around me through the many varieties of temper tantrums I throw. Then when I get my crap together and right the basket I just dropped I don't own it. I may own part of it and gloss over the rest. I actually believe no one else sees this but I have actually fragmented my relationships. This changes how I view myself and I begin the downward spiral of low self esteem which brings the side effects of sadness, loneliness, self loathing, insecurity and so forth. I want out so desperately. I want normal and I just want to be loved, but how?
My answer, and I claim no authority or expertise other than this has brought me happiness:
I am a sneaky bastard and know well how to lie to me
I have to know myself completely, dark and light to reach balance, and to live in reality.
Happiness never came from ignoring truth, or pretending I am other than I am.
I am the only source of my self-esteem and I hurt me 100 times more when I lie to me than when someone else lies to me. Trust is broken when a lie is told. If I don't trust me how can I love me?
What I see in another that causes me to judge is always something within myself I'm not facing. It doesn't always translate directly across, but it always starts there.
There is a vast difference between what I believe and what I want to believe. What I believe is shown in my natural reactions. What I want to believe is also shown that same way, only in it's absence.
I vow to be wholly authentic in all I do, especially when that means owning a mistake.
I believe we are all equal. It doesn't matter what sex, race, nationality, age, sexual orientation, etc, etc we are. We are nothing more than the life which inhabits our bodies from existence to existence. This makes my physical imperfections moot. This makes any difference you can draw attention to inconsequential. It means I can love you without attachment. It means I can love you without needing your life to validate or compliment mine.
I am not a punching bag nor a whipping boy. If your actions aren't right for me, I can tell you. If you love me and listen then we just strengthened our relationship. If you disagree we can talk, because you're my friend and I love you and I respect your opinion. If I feel that after I have tried honestly to get my feelings across without undue emotion and that you and I disagree I have to do what is right for me. I can end our friendship and still love you as a person. There are some paths I cannot walk down with you, nor you with me. It doesn't have to be done with hate or anger. As soon as you have begun to feel emotion you have ceased striving for the truth ~ Buddha.
Lastly, none of this is here for long and all that will remain in the fabric of the universe is the kind of person I was. It's not what I own, it's not what I said or the people I convinced to like me. It's not about my position or possessions. It was, is and will always be in every reincarnation, about choices. The illumination of what I believe, the dance of me, is shown through my choices. When I dig inwards and find me and fully appreciate the light and shadow which I am, I have the opportunity in that moment to stand still. I no longer have to chase acceptance for I accept me. I no longer have to wait for love because I love me. I can just be. No more conspiring for the future and damaging myself through lies to myself, or actions I knew were wrong all along. No more letting the past be the excuse for my procrastination. I exist only now and I will not ignore today to plot for tomorrow, nor to wallow in yesterday. I will live in truth and be love, starting with me, starting with loving and accepting the real me.
I have tried to make my journey as open a book as possible because I believe if we can make our mistakes human and understandable we, as a people, we be less likely to hide it. It's the hiding, the dishonesty and what that leads us to which hurts us, not the mistakes. If I share honestly what is inside then maybe you can relate and share, and then maybe we can all come together and realize that we are all messed up and we're all ok. It's not the fault or failure, it's the looking away.
If you have any questions or anything to say, don't hesitate. You're my friend and I love the expression of you.
Love and be loved in this moment and as many as you can. Understand yourself completely. Understand you in this moment. Understand you from the perspective of your entire life. What was the intent of your life? Understand yourself from the perspective of the universe. If everything was taken away, family, possession, the world, everything and you were left floating in non-existence would you love you? Could you spend eternity with only your own company. You know yourself more intimately than you may think. There is not enough time to be anything other than your true self. Know that you're not alone and know, above all else, that you're loved.
Namaste
"The thought manifests as the word; the word manifests as the deed; the deed develops into habit; and habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings." Buddha
