Fearless Simplicity

Fearless Simplicity, pp. 186-187 by: Drubwang Rinpoche


Sometime go outside and sit,
In the evening at sunset,
When there’s a slight breeze that touches your body,
And makes the leaves and the trees move gently.
You’re not trying to do anything, really.
You’re simply allowing yourself to be,
Very open from deep within,
Without holding onto anything whatsoever.
Don’t bring something back from the past, from a memory.
Don’t plan that something should happen.
Don’t hold onto anything in the present.
Nothing you perceive needs to be nailed down.
Simply let experience take place, very freely,
So that your empty, open heart
Is suffused with the tenderness of true compassion.

"I am Light" - A Poem

So distracted by movies in our mind,
Captivated as the reels unwind.
Yet we're not the film, projector or screen,
We're the light through which all is seen.

By Ryan Nikkel

How do you teach your children Love?

Lessons of love occur to me this morning while making coffee and talking with Connor. He mentioned the past this morning and talked about people who were in our lives who aren’t anymore. He said he wished it was like it used to be, with the exception of one person. He mentioned how he missed having a basement and a big family. I thought about that a lot this morning. How do you teach your child acceptance? How do you show them what loving someone really means? I hope to instill in my sons an understanding of what it really means to love people. I hope to free them from the illusion of control which limits love in so many ways.

Loving someone means loving who they are, not who you want them to be. Actual love, real love, does not have any reference to any physical reality. There are no if/then's to love. It is unconditional, completely giving, completely accepting and all enveloping.

If you make choices I cannot abide it doesn’t mean I can’t love you anymore. It may mean you’re not directly in my life, but it doesn’t affect the love. Anger may cloud love, obscure it, but it can never defeat it, all it can do is distract us from it if we let it. If we allow it, anger can make us believe love exists in this reality and therefore is as impermanent is this reality is. It can cause us to believe we no longer love that person. This is untrue. In that instance it is only a distraction from ourselves.

When we love someone there are no if/then situations that could end the love. Love is unending. “I love you if you take me out and show me a good time”, “I love you if you’re thin”, “I love you if you’re good”. Those are all examples of our judgment and expectations on love. “I love you if you play with me”. What if I’m sick? Do you love me then? So is your love based on your assessment of my behavior, of my existence? If my sickness was my fault, do you love me? If there was nothing I could do to prevent my sickness, then do you still love me? It is so tricky and so easy to apply our ego and make our love a gift which we bestow. When we give someone something we always seem to require something in return and that isn’t love. It may be affection, but that isn’t love.

If I love you, I love who you are. Who you are is outside of my control so you’re life choices do not affect me or my love for you. If you treat me poorly, that is a situation, a circumstance, not the definition of who you are, of the person I love. It doesn’t change the love, it may change our interaction because I love me too and wish me to be well, but it doesn’t change the love. If you have to leave, I still love you. If the reasons you’re leaving are ones I don’t agree with, I still love you. My love isn’t conditional upon you behaving in ways I approve of. Love is the broadest of perspectives; it is the realization that we are more than this moment, without reaching for the next moment.

Think about your life. Do you believe in reincarnation? Past lives? If you do, do you believe you’ve always been the same sex you are now? What about the same sexual orientation? Unless you’re omniscient of all of your previous incarnations and the future ones we must accept that who we see ourselves as in THIS life isn’t even remotely true in ANY OTHER LIFE. If we love ourselves, truly, we must be open. Loving yourself doesn’t mean loving your physical form, that won’t last even an instant. It is constantly changing and how do you maintain your conditions for that love if it is ever changing? “I love my figure”, “I love my smile”. That can and does change moment to moment. Love isn’t the tight grip of expectations; it’s the open hand of acceptance. I love me, which is to say, I love the spark of life which has existed in every life I have experienced. I loved me when I was a man, I loved me when I was a woman, I loved me when my life ended young, I loved me when I was an old person, I loved me when I was sickly, I loved me when I was healthy, I loved me when I was gay, I loved me when I was heterosexual… because none of it mattered, it was an experience. It had a beginning and an end. It wasn’t always. The only always is the spark of life, the energy of the divine which resides within us all.

How can I have that understanding and still experience you in my life in this reality? How can I love you deeply yet have no attachment to your actions, thoughts, behavior and so forth? By existing in my truest self. When what I believe doesn’t need anything but my belief I am free. When I can exist, as myself, in all instances without conditions, I am free. When what I think, feel, believe doesn’t depend on you answering first, I am free. When I don’t have to ping you, or a group, a political party, a nation, a race, a gender and echo locate myself I am free. When I love me, completely, I am free and when I am free there is no limit on my love. I can actually live in each and every moment filled with unconditional love. Time doesn’t matter. A certain set of circumstances doesn’t matter. People coming, people going, it doesn’t matter.

Love is a constant, fluid and moving energy which is inherent to our existence. Hate, anger, jealousy, etc is ALWAYS affixed to a moment. It is a spoken, an action, a view point, but it will never pass to the next life and so it is impermanent. It is nailing jello to the wall, what is the point?

To my Connor: I love you when you’re happy, I love you when you’re sad, I love you when you’re good and I love you when you break the rules, I love you when you’re here and I love you when you’re not. I love you when you’re with your brother, and I love you when you’re alone. I love you when you’re a baby and I love you when you’re a grown man. I love you always, can you think of a way to do the same? For everyone?

Love Dad.

Where Happiness is Hidden

Happiness is yours, you need only grasp it.

It doesn't come from money, possessions, social status, job or anything else. Those can be taken and true happiness will never be found in anything fleeting. There will always be the nagging fear that it could be taken away, that keeps us from experiencing true happiness. Even if you say you don't fear that, where does the motivation to keep, or gain more of the things in which we find our happiness? Fear of loss, the fear of losing them and with them our happiness.
Happiness is not from people either. They aren't "us" (they aren't me) they don't have all of our opinions, actions, reactions, morals, standards and so on. When we count on them for our happiness, we will always be left wanting and unfulfilled. When we find someone very similar the temptation to change them is far too great. Of course we can’t tell them they must change. “If I stop picking up their laundry and start leaving mine all over, then they’ll see.” We think. We step away from ourselves to “change” them and the head games start. We make ourselves miserable and anyone we share our life with. It might not be a constant misery, but there is always friction and uncertainty, which defeats any happiness we get from it. So many ways we have found to manipulate ourselves and others to bring about when we believe will be happiness, and never is.
The world, life, existence will not bring happiness either. It will never fit my specific standards because it is shared. You can make some of the people happy all of the time and all of the people happy some of the time, right? There will never be happiness through this. Even a concept such as peace cannot be agreed upon by all. We can’t even define what that means in such a way so everyone can agree.


Happiness is an open hand. Happiness is an open heart. Happiness is an open mind. Happiness is nothing. It is no thing.

Happiness is within each of us. It is an alignment with our higher selves. When we trust someone and they let us down repeatedly we learn not to trust them. The same goes with us. I believe low self esteem and low self image are the direct result of not walking in the light of our true selves. I say that instead of saying “speaking our truth” because do we even KNOW our truth anymore? We have chased an external happiness so long that we have become a character of ourselves, a mask, the lead in the movie of our lives which plays on the blank white screen of our minds. We have separated ourselves from everyone else. We have made all those in our lives “supporting cast” and then get frustrated when they don’t stick to the script. When we “think” of what to say we are plotting. However good our intentions are, we are thinking to the future and planning an outcome. That outcome is dependent on another person and will never bring happiness. Being our true selves is not linear, is not plotted against others, or the world. It is a constantly learning and growing standard of behavior for ourselves only. You only have to be better than yourself to grow.

True happiness is when we act as our true selves with no filter and accept all others as our fellow human beings. We all have the same flaws, they are simply expressed through different channels. There is a Buddhist concept I happen to love and try to follow. We are the only flawed person. All others are perfect and if we see them as less than perfect it is only a projection of our consciousness upon them reflecting when we refuse to see in ourselves. I believe we all have our flaws, but when I see past mine reflected in you, deal with them so that I can truly see your spirit, you are perfect. You’re a being within the human experience. I know what that is like, I’m there too. Maybe you’re dealing with your own challenges, but that has nothing to do with me directly and I can find happiness. I can let go of ideals (concepts of future circumstances) when I am no longer plotting my next move, or the next revision to the script and open my hands to accept.
I can open my heart for there is nothing within me to stop me. I am no longer in my own way. When I am not projecting my own flaws onto you, I can see you for who you truly are and love you without limit.
I can open my mind and accept that I might be wrong when I take an honest approach. When I am only trying to be better than myself, being wrong is the only way I grow. My mind can be open to you and your ideas so that I may grow from them, even if that growth is the knowledge that I don’t agree.

When I realize that I am the source of my happiness and make the changes I need to make to walk within the light of my truth, all the pretense fades, all the time I spent plotting and revising is now open, like my arms, to love. Happiness has been there all along, I had piled so much emotional baggage on it that I could no longer see it there shining from the center of myself.

The Metta Prayer:
May all beings be peaceful.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings awaken to the light of their true nature.
May all beings be free.

Liberation

I believe to achieve liberation is to see your own mind, your own nature, free from any outside forces, floating in the vast emptiness of reality with it's limitless possibilities, but not just that. Liberation also means the ability to see every other living being in the same fashion. A complete acceptance and unconditional love from the place where we are all the same. Not simply visiting this place in ourselves when we encounter something profound, but existing from that place, always.

"Sometimes" - A Poem

sometimes the sun is shining
sometimes the world is bright
sometimes it seems the day will never end
and everything is right

sometimes the rain comes in
sometimes you'll sing no song
sometimes the paper cuts right to the bone
and everything is wrong

sometimes there's no sometimes
sometimes never always too
but in the moments in between be sure
that you are always you

all in life comes and goes
nothing is meant to stay
that spark of life is really all that's you
and we only have today

- Ryan Nikkel

"Desire" - A Poem

Desire

Greasy black boot bottom stain

Across his broken teeth

Open, pink and pulpy pain

Smothers the cry beneath

..

He's wadded and discarded

Blood on the subway floor

"What are you bitch, retarded?

Realize you're just a whore!"

..

Gleaming, shining knuckles fly

Crushing the bone within

Soupy, fleeting questions why

Don't have time to begin

..

Life's refuse is left behind

Like grime left in the crease

"Don't you fuckin' use your mind

Don't even think of peace"

..

Soothing tranquil thoughts once were

So seated in his head

Cost and profits all concur

Tranquility is dead

..

We need them to acquire

They cannot be at one

"Money comes from desire

You're fuckin' with that son"

..

Fading now the shades of gray

They beat him to resist

Such audacity to say

We all can coexist

..

In his hand a paper lies

The words they must condemn

"Never will we realize

While we still call them them."


Ryan Nikkel

11/08


I was angry at greed and selfishness when I wrote this. I see it as a stumbling block to happiness. I think I'll go watch "The Gods Must Be Crazy" again.

I posted this originally on my myspace blog, but reading about the ban on organic farming, spearheaded by Monsanto and their wonderful disease causing "engineered" seeds made me think of it and decide to post it here.

Better living through chemistry, if you consider a state of total delusion as "living". No thanks. Keep your crap and I'll keep both my money and my health. This is the change we need. This not only needs to be defeated, but we need a legal response to what amounts to engineering a monopoly. This cannot be legal. The lobbyists should be fired, the politician who entertained this nonsense should be thrown from office. Since none of that is going to happen, the change is in our hands. Pay attention to your elected officials. It is a truly sad state of affairs but it is up to US to keep them honest. We need to make it known that the status quo is no longer acceptable. We need to follow the correct action and run the wheels off it every single time. Corrupt politicians are counting on the fact that a) we're lazy and you KNOW we are! b) We don't have the conviction to fight for change c) We absolutely WILL NOT inconvenience ourselves for change (because we are hypocrites, we really are) and d) it will only be a month until a new "cause" gets our attention and support and we no longer pay attention to this one.
We rant and piss and moan about these sorts of things all the time yet we ALLOW corrupt officials in office. We deal with the symptom and never the cause. We will defeat this measure, and stop there. What about the elected official who KNEW this was bologna and went along with it for kick backs, or political clout. We can't prove corruption in every instance. We need zero tolerance on dishonesty, in all forms. It starts with the campaign. We have all seen the thinly veiled attack ads. The next time I see one for a person I was going to vote for, they will lose my vote and I will make it public in a letter written to them and copied in local media. We have to be the change, we have to drop our hypocrisy and hold to our integrity.


We suck and WE are the reason there is no change! Need proof? The last time someone sent you something political in nature and asked you to support it, did you read it and support it because it was what was right to YOU, or did you rubber stamp the petition because your friend did and you don't have the time to be bothered? We scream for change while clutching our own vices. We rant for diligence from our lazy boys. Why is it we elect someone and somehow expect them to be better people than we are?

We are one people. There is one truth.

"The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground"

"The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground" Buddha.

This has been my lesson this week. What I take it to mean is that we are. We exist, we do not simply observe. The reality I see is from my perspective. My foot feels itself when it feels the ground. I don't feel the ground untouched by my existence. I never will in this lifetime.

We get so caught up in our own perspectives and it's really easy to become so involved in something that we lose perspective. Those wonderful souls on a path to enlightenment fall victim to this as well. As much as I would love to believe this is a lesson I can no longer think about, that just isn't the case. We all need a reality check. We all need to live in the moment, without attachment to our wants or desires. I believe that life is a give and take. Notice the give comes first.

I love me. I really enjoy the person I am. I have worked long and hard to come to this place. I still fall into self doubt and insecurity. I still read way too much into a situation when I am in that place. I tend to add up all the things I do not like and assume the person I am feuding with knows about this compilation I have created. How could they not?? It comes from them! Yeah right! You could pile up my B.S. taller than I am and I wouldn't see it either. Without communication we will never know. Then resentments build. Then If I try to talk to you about what is hurting my feelings my hurt or anger is completely disproportionate to how you will view your actions. How can I expect you to apologize for a creation of my imagination? Especially when it's not you I'm mad at but rather my inaction, but I'd rather be mad at you than be honest with myself.

I pull myself out of that when I realize that I am you and you are me. We are, after all, human... all of us. I find compassion in the realization that though we may be different, we are the same in the grand scheme of things. When I am able to let go of my attachments. When I can no longer cling to the need for you to humble yourself and apologize for hurting my feelings by not returning my e-mail fast enough or not calling me soon enough. What does it all mean anyway? If you don't call me, I will not cease to exist. I won't lose the spark of light I carry which is me. I cannot make you call me. I cannot manipulate you, through my anger and hurt feelings, to force you to bend to my will. I exist to my own standards. You exist to yours. I have the responsibility of letting you know when something you say or do hurts my feelings. It is up to you from there, but I cannot judge what you do, or don't do by what is right or wrong for me. You will never meet my standards. How can you? Can you paint the Mona Lisa without ever seeing it? From there I decide what will and what won't work in my life and communicate that. I cannot do anything else but be me and be true to me. When I do that, when I recognize all of my attachment which I have placed on you instead of opening my heart and being vulnerable I realize that you aren't my adversary, you are my brother, sister, mother, father, everyone. All of my heartaches are caused by my own inaction, by not being true to me in the most honest of ways. When I cut those delusional threads freedom is revealed. I am free to be me, which ends my energetic pulling on you. I stop pinging you with my energy and appreciate the real you in my life. If I cling to those delusions, I never fully appreciate who you are... and you're worth so much more than that!

The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.

Of course it does, it's all the same, we're all the same and we're all connected.

My hand feels my hand when it touches your heart. I feel you in me and I feel me in you. Isn't that beautiful?
Chenrezig Mantra - Om mani peme hung- on a sunflower