I was proud of my spirit...

                       

A few years ago I was with some friends and we were watching the first season of “True Blood” on tv. We had watched a couple episodes and I was worried it was going to be a weak platform and an excuse for special effects and sex.  I was happy when the story line started to unfold. The night I’m talking about was when we watched a character whose sexuality was never concretely determined in a scene which would define, for me, his character (both the actor’s own, and his characters). We all watched as he went to a vampire’s house to collect some of his blood. If you haven’t seen the show, vampire blood was sold like a drug to humans. At any rate, we watched as the vampire (played brilliantly by Stephen Root) revealed, through his advances, that he was gay. It was an interesting scene, with so much going on. At once this person (played by Nelsan Ellis) was interacting with this gentlemen trying to smooth him over, get what he wanted. It was a bit uncomfortable to watch. Not because there was tangible sexual tension between them, but because of the obvious manipulation and insincerity. Then there came a moment, when the Vampire reached out lovingly to the man and his guard dropped. It became about the moment and no longer about the exchange and the money he would get. It cumulated in a very tender kiss.

I thought it was a beautiful moment, a great scene, and touching in it’s honesty.

I sat there for a moment, as we all did. I was about to say something about it being lovely and tender but there was some reaction in our group, surprisingly from the women there, of discomfort in two men kissing. We passed it off and moved on as the show often does, and quickly. I thought a bout that kiss for a long time. I was proud of my spirit, genuinely. I feel the truest “you” is told in your authentic reactions to situations. My authentic reaction was to behold and enjoy a touching moment between two people. I saw the parallels to so many relationships in which I know the people personally. I saw the dynamics of just how difficult it is to let your guard down. I saw the “v-juice” as a metaphor for everything we go into a relationship wanting for ourselves. I saw the other side of it, and witnessed it become what this man would give away for affection. I had a moment, a ping of sadness, before I remembered that triumphant moment when they reached out and connected. It was beautiful. It was still a television show, but they say art imitates life, and I agree.

Do you know how rare that is? How hard it is to honestly connect with another person? How often it’s exactly what they showed only the metaphor of “v-juice” being what we’re after, and what we’re willing to give…. For love, for acceptance?

Life is long and it’s full of suffering. Like rocks with waves crashing against them, wearing them down, we are. Do not overlook, or pass by, an opportunity to reveal your soul to another and love them. I’m not talking about sex, exactly, because love making doesn’t always involve intercourse. I’m talking a bout the opportunity to drop your agenda, your fears, your insecurity and really open yourself to another person and love them, and be loved yourself.

I read a quote the other day, which after having written all this seems to be the seed from which this memory was born again.

“The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry - from lifetime to lifetime.” The first part is quoted from Alex Collier, after the hyphen is from the quote as I first saw it, so I included it. Regardless of the source, I think it’s a deep truism and something we should all understand and comprehend.

If your guilty mind tells you it’s wrong, if your conditioning tells you it’s a sin, if society causes you to squirm because you’ve heard a million times it’s disgusting…. please for the sake of us all, of the direction humanity is taking, look at it with your own unfiltered heart and mind and see for yourself; outside of any context where outside influences will, well, influence, look at it and see for yourself.

I’m just one person, speaking for only myself when I say that was one of the best, most convincing and easily the most touching and tender kisses I’ve ever seen on screen and I’m proud of my spirit for accepting it lovingly.

Namaste