A prescription for Goodness

I was thinking about my medication this morning and how much I really dislike being on prescription medication. I spent my youth choking down more pills than I like to think about along with the inhalers, breathing treatments, allergy shots and even those rare times when I needed a shot of straight adrenalin.  At that time we were aware of “side effects” of medication but it’s different now, the commercials for the different medications have their side effects listed at the end.  I understand being sick and having the side effects be worth the relief but I got to thinking about goodness; being a good person and acting in such a way. The thought started with the feeling you get when you do something good, just because it’s the right thing to do. That made me think of the other end of the spectrum and how bad feelings usually follow something we like, or might call “good”.

It seems like we hide the “side effects” of the ways in which we lead our lives. I remember doing this exact same thing when I was young. You know, when those contrasts stood out the most. It was before I became jaded. I would do something I either was told not to or I just knew not to. The exhilaration from the moment would always be followed by that pang of guilt. I would bury that guilt down deep and try to erase it how? By doing the exact same thing again! Pretty soon it became a pattern and those pangs became less and less noticeable. That started a whole pattern of behavior I carried into adulthood. As time passed the “good” feelings which preceded the guilt, anger or other “side effects” became less and less noticeable also. It had hardened into a persona and became quite normal. I never saw just how far I had strayed from my true self. When one persona became worn out I’d change to another and it was easy because the foundation I’d laid from walking away from my true self made it easy. When the guilt, which was now just an uneasy feeling in the back of my consciousness, became too much to ignore I’d make a symbolic change and then go right back to the same way I was before only playing a new character now. I changed my dress, my musical likes and dislikes, my patterns of speech and so on. I never faced the real reason, though it loomed like some specter always pursuing me.

Then something happened which changed my perspective back to myself. It was like a spiritual chiropractor aligning my spirit back to where it is supposed to be. I could see, clearly, how those personas were puppets. I controlled from the safety of the insides of my head. What happened was my whole world came crashing down upon me. I had pulled enough bologna with my wife that she left me and took with her our children. There is nothing sadder than a child’s room, toys scattered on the floor, with no child to fill it. I was left with just me and I saw how big an a-hole I was, truly, with no lens of persona softening the blow. I was sitting on my couch and I could see the tendrils of crap I pushed out and how they twisted my wife and children. I saw my faults, all of them, and how they hurt the people I loved. Pretty soon that faded away and I was left with just me. I saw my physical body as though I was floating above it. Everything else went black, or more to the point, void of anything. I was just floating in nothing and then I faded away too, or at least my body did. All that was left was me, the spark of life, the consciousness. There was no longer two people, I was shown that all there was to me, was me; which was really nothing but a consciousness animating a body and I didn’t really care for that guy. I didn’t like me at all; I was all I had left and I was an asshole, pardon the language. I was a guy who would cut any corner, make any excuse, always point a finger, and never take responsibility. I made peace with myself by accepting all that I had done. I took all that unsightly junk and placed it squarely upon my shoulders. I liked myself, just a bit, again. At least now I was a man who wouldn’t put his bologna on you and expect you not to notice. I was, at last, standing on my own two feet. I had broken my addiction to the drugs of improper action and in so doing freed myself from the side effects which drove me away from who I actually am.

I’ve talked of this moment, and written about it, in many ways. I’ve used many metaphors for it in hopes others could reach this perspective out of choice rather than consequentially. I’ve come to understand that when it happened to me I was in a place where I was able to be honest with myself because I really had nothing left. I suppose these circumstances could be recreated but I doubt it would hold the same power it had originally, consequentially. I wanted to share this event with as many people as I could. It helped me so much to find myself and to live each day as myself; to drop the act, the puppets and to finally take into my heart all the goodness I deserved. I had side-stepped this in the past, feeling so very alien and alone “why should I contribute?” I would ask myself. I never realized it was all a great big show my ego had been putting on for me. It felt like, “The Truman Show”. So I could explain it completely here but if you’re starring in your own show you’ll never understand it. The biggest part of why it helped me so much is that I reached it through events which were specific to me and my path. What I am explaining are my signposts, my map which is my path; my life. The object is to find within yourself the same truths and examine them from your own perspective and see if they reflect what you know about yourself. If you can’t, if you’re unsure, if you’re on the fence, if you’re looking for something to believe in; I have a suggestion. Call it a prescription for goodness if you will. We’re all in this together.

We should all do the right thing, we know this. Every religious path tells us this. Every religious path has a list of good actions and a list of bad actions. Usually each bad action has it’s polar opposite on the “good” list. It’s what we’re told when we’re young. Our parents would tell us how we need to live up to this list and we became jaded as we witnessed the general public fail to do so. Witnessing our parents fail to uphold this list, item by item, only gave us anchor points for our own delusional behavior later on and the answers to “Why should I contribute” my answer was “I shouldn’t, we’re all crooked”. I know mine were rooted in those moments when I witnessed one of my role models fail me. I know that puts a lot of pressure upon them, but this is just from my perspective as a child. It is valid however when we, as adults, view our impact upon the children in our lives. We must understand the weight of this behavior as it grows upon them and each year as they contribute to it; it becomes harder and harder to cast off. We must understand that we teach through our actions, not our words; our words only tell the child if they can trust our actions or not. We can create quite the internal conflict within them when we lead through hypocrisy. What we teach is it’s ok to do what we want so long as we act good.

So if you can’t find your way there, and you agree we should actually be what we’re asking our children to become then I suggest this: a prescription for goodness. First we need to understand a simple concept: Innate Perfection. If we’re going to be “good” we should probably decide first what that is and that starts with you, unencumbered by relation or desire. If you could stop time and just be; without action, you could see that there is nothing in your past to feel guilt or embarrassment about because it has already happened and that those feelings are generated by not accepting it fully. You could also see that without a future which feels like it’s looming there is nothing to feel anxious about, nothing to worry about; to fixate upon. You could see then that in this frozen moment there is nothing to fix about yourself, you’re innately perfect; you are simply you. You may not like what you see, but that is due to past actions or future expectations. There might be something physically about yourself that you do not like, but you also know the route to taking care of this, you’ve just been avoiding it. If it something permanent, why fret over it? Adapt and move on, because only you know for sure what is true. From this place, having compassion for yourself and your misdeeds, you can see how every one else is exactly like you. We’re all messed up. We can see how some of the things we do, the ways in which we behave, aren’t fair. For instance, if we tend to get overly emotional and expect others to set us right, then we have to accept that in fairness every single person around us has the same right to throw a fit. So we either correct ours or accept theirs, either way we reach balance in a situation. Sooner or later our conscience will let us know the right answer but only if we keep to this ideal, if we stay the course of being a good person. We will fall, we will fail and we must pick ourselves up, throw what ever action tripped us up onto our shoulders with the rest of our bologna and get back to right.

When you stop to see if the broken down car needs help (while staying safe yourself) even though it is going to make you late, just because it’s the right thing to do, the feeling which fills your heart full to overflowing is goodness. When you behave in such a way, when you “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and you smile at the thought; it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. You’re doing it from an adult perspective when taking the easy road is so seductive and that makes all the difference. It seems such a simple thing but you can’t measure the rewards of it. Then when you think of the lives you touch, both young and old, you can finally feel the pride you used to take a short cut to, and you can feel this right down into your soul. You finally understand “being good, for goodness sake” because you’ve taken the banner you usually carry which had “Selfishness” printed upon it and replaced it with “Goodness” and you hold your head higher. You’re a good influence now; you’re someone people look to as a role model for themselves and their children.

So I prescribe to you this: three hundred and sixty five days of goodness and see who you are then. Begin this January first, commit to being a good person and I can promise you that as the next New Year draws close you won’t feel alien, lost, or sad because you’ll be that person you always wished you could be. It was never a matter of a job, car, house, spouse or anything tangible anyway, was it? Wasn’t it always just about becoming a person you could be proud of? It seems that which held us back was what was filling our heads with the thought that possessions would lead to happiness and keep us running on that hamster wheel. It had side effects we didn’t see or understand. It’s time to break the habit and feel what it’s like to be good. For when we dream of a bright future for ourselves or for our children all which we wish for them springs from the goodness of another. I believe it’s time we all be the best we can be, be good for the sake of goodness in this world.  It’s a faint glimmer right now and I believe it could be ablaze with light. It should be the light which guides our way.

Let my being be of goodness because this is a change we need to see in this world.

Let my being be of honesty, fairness, patience, gentleness, tolerance, and the like because they are the ways of goodness.

May I be humble, be a good person and let what will be, be.

This is just one man’s perspective; take in all the perspectives of the world over and find for yourself what the ultimate truth is.