Lessons of love occur to me this morning while making coffee and talking with Connor. He mentioned the past this morning and talked about people who were in our lives who aren’t anymore. He said he wished it was like it used to be, with the exception of one person. He mentioned how he missed having a basement and a big family. I thought about that a lot this morning. How do you teach your child acceptance? How do you show them what loving someone really means? I hope to instill in my sons an understanding of what it really means to love people. I hope to free them from the illusion of control which limits love in so many ways.
Loving someone means loving who they are, not who you want them to be. Actual love, real love, does not have any reference to any physical reality. There are no if/then's to love. It is unconditional, completely giving, completely accepting and all enveloping.
If you make choices I cannot abide it doesn’t mean I can’t love you anymore. It may mean you’re not directly in my life, but it doesn’t affect the love. Anger may cloud love, obscure it, but it can never defeat it, all it can do is distract us from it if we let it. If we allow it, anger can make us believe love exists in this reality and therefore is as impermanent is this reality is. It can cause us to believe we no longer love that person. This is untrue. In that instance it is only a distraction from ourselves.
When we love someone there are no if/then situations that could end the love. Love is unending. “I love you if you take me out and show me a good time”, “I love you if you’re thin”, “I love you if you’re good”. Those are all examples of our judgment and expectations on love. “I love you if you play with me”. What if I’m sick? Do you love me then? So is your love based on your assessment of my behavior, of my existence? If my sickness was my fault, do you love me? If there was nothing I could do to prevent my sickness, then do you still love me? It is so tricky and so easy to apply our ego and make our love a gift which we bestow. When we give someone something we always seem to require something in return and that isn’t love. It may be affection, but that isn’t love.
If I love you, I love who you are. Who you are is outside of my control so you’re life choices do not affect me or my love for you. If you treat me poorly, that is a situation, a circumstance, not the definition of who you are, of the person I love. It doesn’t change the love, it may change our interaction because I love me too and wish me to be well, but it doesn’t change the love. If you have to leave, I still love you. If the reasons you’re leaving are ones I don’t agree with, I still love you. My love isn’t conditional upon you behaving in ways I approve of. Love is the broadest of perspectives; it is the realization that we are more than this moment, without reaching for the next moment.
Think about your life. Do you believe in reincarnation? Past lives? If you do, do you believe you’ve always been the same sex you are now? What about the same sexual orientation? Unless you’re omniscient of all of your previous incarnations and the future ones we must accept that who we see ourselves as in THIS life isn’t even remotely true in ANY OTHER LIFE. If we love ourselves, truly, we must be open. Loving yourself doesn’t mean loving your physical form, that won’t last even an instant. It is constantly changing and how do you maintain your conditions for that love if it is ever changing? “I love my figure”, “I love my smile”. That can and does change moment to moment. Love isn’t the tight grip of expectations; it’s the open hand of acceptance. I love me, which is to say, I love the spark of life which has existed in every life I have experienced. I loved me when I was a man, I loved me when I was a woman, I loved me when my life ended young, I loved me when I was an old person, I loved me when I was sickly, I loved me when I was healthy, I loved me when I was gay, I loved me when I was heterosexual… because none of it mattered, it was an experience. It had a beginning and an end. It wasn’t always. The only always is the spark of life, the energy of the divine which resides within us all.
How can I have that understanding and still experience you in my life in this reality? How can I love you deeply yet have no attachment to your actions, thoughts, behavior and so forth? By existing in my truest self. When what I believe doesn’t need anything but my belief I am free. When I can exist, as myself, in all instances without conditions, I am free. When what I think, feel, believe doesn’t depend on you answering first, I am free. When I don’t have to ping you, or a group, a political party, a nation, a race, a gender and echo locate myself I am free. When I love me, completely, I am free and when I am free there is no limit on my love. I can actually live in each and every moment filled with unconditional love. Time doesn’t matter. A certain set of circumstances doesn’t matter. People coming, people going, it doesn’t matter.
Love is a constant, fluid and moving energy which is inherent to our existence. Hate, anger, jealousy, etc is ALWAYS affixed to a moment. It is a spoken, an action, a view point, but it will never pass to the next life and so it is impermanent. It is nailing jello to the wall, what is the point?
To my Connor: I love you when you’re happy, I love you when you’re sad, I love you when you’re good and I love you when you break the rules, I love you when you’re here and I love you when you’re not. I love you when you’re with your brother, and I love you when you’re alone. I love you when you’re a baby and I love you when you’re a grown man. I love you always, can you think of a way to do the same? For everyone?
Love Dad.
Loving someone means loving who they are, not who you want them to be. Actual love, real love, does not have any reference to any physical reality. There are no if/then's to love. It is unconditional, completely giving, completely accepting and all enveloping.
If you make choices I cannot abide it doesn’t mean I can’t love you anymore. It may mean you’re not directly in my life, but it doesn’t affect the love. Anger may cloud love, obscure it, but it can never defeat it, all it can do is distract us from it if we let it. If we allow it, anger can make us believe love exists in this reality and therefore is as impermanent is this reality is. It can cause us to believe we no longer love that person. This is untrue. In that instance it is only a distraction from ourselves.
When we love someone there are no if/then situations that could end the love. Love is unending. “I love you if you take me out and show me a good time”, “I love you if you’re thin”, “I love you if you’re good”. Those are all examples of our judgment and expectations on love. “I love you if you play with me”. What if I’m sick? Do you love me then? So is your love based on your assessment of my behavior, of my existence? If my sickness was my fault, do you love me? If there was nothing I could do to prevent my sickness, then do you still love me? It is so tricky and so easy to apply our ego and make our love a gift which we bestow. When we give someone something we always seem to require something in return and that isn’t love. It may be affection, but that isn’t love.
If I love you, I love who you are. Who you are is outside of my control so you’re life choices do not affect me or my love for you. If you treat me poorly, that is a situation, a circumstance, not the definition of who you are, of the person I love. It doesn’t change the love, it may change our interaction because I love me too and wish me to be well, but it doesn’t change the love. If you have to leave, I still love you. If the reasons you’re leaving are ones I don’t agree with, I still love you. My love isn’t conditional upon you behaving in ways I approve of. Love is the broadest of perspectives; it is the realization that we are more than this moment, without reaching for the next moment.
Think about your life. Do you believe in reincarnation? Past lives? If you do, do you believe you’ve always been the same sex you are now? What about the same sexual orientation? Unless you’re omniscient of all of your previous incarnations and the future ones we must accept that who we see ourselves as in THIS life isn’t even remotely true in ANY OTHER LIFE. If we love ourselves, truly, we must be open. Loving yourself doesn’t mean loving your physical form, that won’t last even an instant. It is constantly changing and how do you maintain your conditions for that love if it is ever changing? “I love my figure”, “I love my smile”. That can and does change moment to moment. Love isn’t the tight grip of expectations; it’s the open hand of acceptance. I love me, which is to say, I love the spark of life which has existed in every life I have experienced. I loved me when I was a man, I loved me when I was a woman, I loved me when my life ended young, I loved me when I was an old person, I loved me when I was sickly, I loved me when I was healthy, I loved me when I was gay, I loved me when I was heterosexual… because none of it mattered, it was an experience. It had a beginning and an end. It wasn’t always. The only always is the spark of life, the energy of the divine which resides within us all.
How can I have that understanding and still experience you in my life in this reality? How can I love you deeply yet have no attachment to your actions, thoughts, behavior and so forth? By existing in my truest self. When what I believe doesn’t need anything but my belief I am free. When I can exist, as myself, in all instances without conditions, I am free. When what I think, feel, believe doesn’t depend on you answering first, I am free. When I don’t have to ping you, or a group, a political party, a nation, a race, a gender and echo locate myself I am free. When I love me, completely, I am free and when I am free there is no limit on my love. I can actually live in each and every moment filled with unconditional love. Time doesn’t matter. A certain set of circumstances doesn’t matter. People coming, people going, it doesn’t matter.
Love is a constant, fluid and moving energy which is inherent to our existence. Hate, anger, jealousy, etc is ALWAYS affixed to a moment. It is a spoken, an action, a view point, but it will never pass to the next life and so it is impermanent. It is nailing jello to the wall, what is the point?
To my Connor: I love you when you’re happy, I love you when you’re sad, I love you when you’re good and I love you when you break the rules, I love you when you’re here and I love you when you’re not. I love you when you’re with your brother, and I love you when you’re alone. I love you when you’re a baby and I love you when you’re a grown man. I love you always, can you think of a way to do the same? For everyone?
Love Dad.
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